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Lust or Love, how to find out?


There are a few questions that need to be asked and answers to those will tell you whether your relationship is based on love or lust.

1. There are a few questions that need to be asked and answers to those will tell you whether your relationship is based on love or lust.

  • How does your partner present you to their close circle of family and friends?
  • If the inclination is to keep it secret, it is lust. Otherwise, people in love want that the partner gets to meet all the people who are significant, in their life.
  • Also someone you love, should be also liked by friends and family. This is a normal desire.


2.The pronoun one uses, when declaring one’s love, often. It is ‘I’ OR ‘We’?

  • The more intertwined the lives become, the greater the shared mutuality. Here the ‘us’ and ‘we’ should be prominent. Eg. If asked by others, what did you last weekend? If the reply is, we went to the movies and then for dinner. This suggests love. If the reply is I went to the movie, along with…., then it is doubtful, if it is love.
  • When one is in love, one wishes to share. These include ones dreams, hopes, fears, money, the past , the future, job, friends, almost everything. There is courage and faith in being able to share. Those who are drawn by physical needs, engage in superficial talk, like hobbies, food, preferences and so on and nothing more substantial

4.The extent to which you feel that your partner is a significant person and that decisions need to be made after discussing matters, thoroughly. Eg. You have a job offer in another city. Do you feel the need to talk it over with your partner before you finally accept it, or you take a decision selfishly, keeping your prospects only, in mind.

  • It the answer to all the 4 questions are positive, then true love really exists. It is also important to keep the relationship alive. For this , engaging in new activities together like travelling to new places, learning a new activity ( dancing, language etc.) Surprising each other pleasantly, is another great way to keep the spark, in love going. Eg. Taking breakfast to the workplace of your partner because he/she missed it.
  • Keep the adrenaline rush high and transfer it to your partner and the relationship.

True love is indeed a special feeling, cards alone won’t be sufficient.

About IIC

The Indian Institute Of Counselling is fully committed to the emotional well-being and psychologically healthier and balanced lives of individuals and institutions. It offers various services, including personal growth and development training, academic and life-skills training

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Indian Institute Of Counselling,
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